When you get married you are making a commitment. Marriage is not this endless love nest or dating on steroids (it can feel that way in the beginning though). It can take years before you really know a person, for me it took my relationship 6 years, before my other half turned to the dark side. In my analysis, this switch was triggered by our first born, but anything can trigger it if the person you are married to has a trigger. In my situation, maybe he didn’t know what love is, maybe he couldn’t wrap his head around the flaws, maybe he just did not want to put the effort into the marriage to make it work, maybe he still wanted to be married to the young girl he could control or maybe he let his guard down and darkness entered his heart replacing the love he had for me with love he had for himself instead. The last four years with him were an unforgettable abuse whirlwind . He gradually became a different person or he gradually revealed his true person starting at the birth of our daughter (trigger event). Either way it triggers a discussion that has been floating around in various social media circles, the belief that darkness and light can simultaneously be in the same place at the same time. Scientifically it is impossible; but metaphorically it is possible.
This is the challenge between the realist and the idealist, the dichotomy of darkness in light existing all at once like the yin and yang from the Chinese belief system of the Tao (even though it does in fact represent duality); however, I think looking deeper the symbol sums it up nicely; there’s not one portion of the symbol that is gray (mixture of light and dark). Each section is separate, there is no blending of black and white. Also, if ever there is imbalance like a mixture of light and dark (my interpretation) or too much dark for example, they call this vacuity in Chinese medicine, there’s an actual word that describes the consequences of becoming confused. This tipping of the balance is also known as a depressed state of being. My other half seemed to be bit by the Existentialism bug. Wikipedia sums it up nicely, “people who face the emptiness and accept responsibility aim to live ‘authentic’ lives.” Ah ha! The answer is clearer now than ever.
There is no such thing as darkness within light or light within darkness; however, if you are the type of person who likes to color outside the lines I think this metaphorical way of thinking helps you rationalize the things you feel guilty about. This is not about shame, blame or judgment. It’s about calling a spade a spade. This faulty way of thinking is damaging relationships everywhere, not only in marriages. This way of thinking throws off the balance of life. A person who aims to live by their authentic sinful self throws morality to the wind and embraces immorality as a characteristic of living. Guilt is not a disposable feeling. Guilt has a purpose. When you throw away a purposeful feeling that is only associated with human beings, is not that regression instead of progression?