Friendship with benefits, also known as a relationship escape, is pure foolery; it did not work back in the day and it does not work now. It’s unimpressive child’s play while playing along is only amusing for a time, but destroys any hope of a true monogamous relationship. Post-divorcees be warned, the escape feelings come on when you least expect it; don’t fill the void with a camouflage relationship. Identify patterns in people that will negatively impact your life so that you don’t use a new relationship to escape from the mundane singleness you find yourself in (psst… it is crucial to your CONTENTMENT). Additionally, by identifying these patterns it is easier to detach from the “feelings” involved that make attention seeking necessary from the WRONG people.
It takes time to recover from a broken marriage. Allow yourself time to recover. Relationship escapes never work. Marriage is designed to foster life in people (at least a healthy marriage is). Getting caught up in a new pseudo relationship so soon can seriously diminish the sufferings that are intended to make you grow as a person preparing you for your future mate. It also increases the risk of making a mistake a second time around. No one wants that! Once you come to this conclusion it will make a huge difference in accepting the reality of being single. Additionally, it’s important to analyze every weakness. There is very little time to do this once you are back in the driver’s seat of a relationship, because a relationship requires time and attention. By proactively analyzing your weaknesses you can respond appropriately in spontaneous situations minimizing mistakes and maximizing love (I can’t wait to test this theory). Plus, once in a relationship this self-reflection should be added to the calendar at least once a year without meeting up with an old fling if you get my drift.
There have been at least 3 encounters of relationship escapes since the Big D five years ago. The first stemmed from online dating, the second budded from friendship and the third sprouted from familiarity and physical chemistry. None of them worked, because they filled a single-void rather than fulfilling what the Lord designed for marriage. The Lord’s timing is perfect versus taking control and manufacturing a new life to replace the one that is lost. Embracing the relationship drought is tough, but required for the next chapter to have a happy ending in marriage. Patiently waiting in anticipation.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. – Proverbs 4:23
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