The divorce isolation has never been so acute as it is now in quarantine life, but somehow roses make it better. Longing for a spouse is greater now than it has ever been, because without “the person” all that thought time rests in the inadequate self and menial activities versus a stimulating connection with another human. The fact is, loneliness is the wrong motivation for a spouse entirely. A spouse shouldn’t be there to pacify loneliness or act as a security blanket. A spouse is there to be a partner in life, working with their partner in unison to accomplish life’s goals together in all quadrants (health, spirituality, intellect and community). Satisfying the desire for a romantic touch or gesture does not satisfy all the quadrants essential for an “ideal” marriage relationship to thrive in the hard-cold world and the quadrant grid must be firmly drawn on character lines of course.
Somehow inspired by roses, meeting of the minds and hearts is a fantasy that occupies daydreams of marriage in divorce loneliness.
Divorce loneliness longs to watch a relationship fantasy launch with only a look making sparks fly after decades of familiarity. A mere touch of the hand gives support that could be compared to the engineering stability of the Golden Gate Bridge. Some words of encouragement that sustain like a 4-course meal. A thoughtful act which warms your soul even when the outside temperature is below freezing. After all this, chemistry collides with bodies, and the groundwork is laid for a heavenly intimate experience only possible because God designed it. Does this exist for some marriages? It must or I am a hopeless romantic! This has to be the definition of finding the one and only (the peanut butter to your jelly, the lock to your key, the cookie for your filling, etc.)
What destroys the love fantasy experienced above? When people turn into Jekyll and Hyde or emotions flare-up with no resolution or acknowledgement from the unresponsive spouse (this is divorce loneliness while married – unmet emotional needs and a lack of communication); however, a validating spouse loves the other through these turbulent moments like giving a rose to someone who is crying. They do not make things worse with manipulative reaction abuse to somehow get the perceived upper hand in the situation. In the imaginary romantic world of marriage, those tough hard times should create deeper intimacy and love, because that’s the outcome when disagreements turn into compromises and roses are given instead of ridicule. When marriage becomes a dictatorship or bulldozer with no resolution, the connection starts flickering slowly, oh so dreadfully slowly.
Connection with life is flickering slowly with this quarantine too. It feels like a dying marriage lately. The pervasive Coronavirus has infected everything not just human bodies; marriage, divorce, family life, children, etc. Going to the grocery store is one place where there should be life; however instead, life is flickering. Everyone has a mask on, everyone maintains some distance, and no one is making pleasant conversation or meaningful eye contact. Now everyone gets to experience the courthouse at the grocery store. Even the happy couples are distant. One man suggested to his wife, “do you want some roses?” and her answer was “no, I don’t think we need them.” The words fell like a great weight to the bottom of his heart. Couldn’t she have said, “what a lovely idea dear;” “roses sure would brighten the mood;” “roses smell so good, OK”?
They are simply roses and the lady could not make the leap, to “yes.” The quarantine made her response 10x drearier than any other day though, because it was mechanical and a rose is a symbol of life, love and happiness – something that everyone desires right now with this quarantine. Divorce loneliness is better with roses than without. I wish I could share my roses with him now and reverse the mechanical damage. What a difference a correct response makes in creating love for the one you call LOVE. Dreaming of marriage in divorce loneliness is a reality check, the desire for marriage is still there, but loneliness cannot be the main reason. Look for that special someone that says, I understand you’re lonely, here’s a rose.