Tag: divorce history

Does divorce really have to be this way?

Divorce has to change.  The courtroom drama needs to stop.  Placing useless stress on families is having an unseen ripple effect in the community that is impossible to measure.  Divorce has not always been the way it is in the 21st Century.  The history of divorce goes all the way back to Biblical days; however, back then the only details surrounding a certificate of divorce was essentially a one-time send-off drawn up in one legal document.  There was no drawn out process or a specific time of separation.  There were no court dates.  There were no meetings with attorneys.  The certificate of divorce did EVERYTHING (Matthew 5:31).  It legally severed the marriage, it divided assets and outlined how both people are to move forward.  There is nothing in the Bible that shares how the children functioned in Bible times during a divorce.  Going beyond Biblical days, marriage and divorce in ancient Rome sounded like it favored the male ALWAYS.  According to Wikipedia, “Under Roman Law, the head of the family had absolute authority.”

Women in the Roman era could leave at any time, but they essentially left everything behind.  She left her wealth and her children.  I would say those situations were probably abusive situations.  No one in their right mind would leave their livelihood and relatives unless they felt forced to do so.  In some cases women could leave with their dowry, but still there is no indication how dowry allotment was enforced.  Divorce also was considered a private matter, so only family and close friends knew of the personal matter.  Divorce registration was not required until 449 CE.

The process as it is now has become a monstrosity for people in high conflict situations or people with a lot of assets.  If there is low conflict and you have assets, better get ready for a high conflict divorce.  The system as it is now is designed to twist the emotions of both parties so much that neither party recognizes who they are afterwards.  Divorce is not pretty and it surely does not solve all the marital issues that surface after children.  Why?  You have children!  If you have children, the other person does not fade into the background like a normal break-up; they are around for everything the children are involved in.  They will be at the school.  They will be at the children’s events.  They will be contacting you still via email or some sort of co-parenting application.  They will insist they are involved with the children and that means they are ALWAYS indirectly involved with YOU.

Additionally, if one person in the relationship was abusive divorce with children does not change their abusive tendencies it just morphs the abuse into a different form.  This abuse can surface as control and/or abusive words whenever the person is angry or misunderstands something in communication.  An extreme case is using the children in their abusive tactics.  Divorce court only gives one option for abusive situations…  A restraining order.  Also very rarely does a restraining order become permanent unless the person has a criminal record, or the abuse led to a crime.  Newsflash, if the abusive person is a “good” citizen on paper, the victim has no chance of justice. Please consult an attorney for any legal advice surrounding a restraining order.

Divorce must change.  The community needs to take more responsibility in the union and the separation if it comes to that.  The marriage and ceremony is designed to be the first public commitment the couple makes; however these days the people attending a wedding ceremony are never consulted if the happy couple all of the sudden decide to call it quits.  When people get married they should be given options up front.  Something like opt-in to family court or opt-out of family court; that way if a divorce becomes an inevitable solution the couple has a document to fall back on that they both originally agreed to.  I would vote for a community private divorce rather than a public family court divorce, because truthfully no one in public court really cares about the people involved and the court system only makes things worse for everyone involved.

Divorce is Devastating – Attorneys with a conscience are difficult to find

When you are thrown into a divorce situation you expect people that are acquainted with the process to uphold a certain standard.  You expect judges to judge rightly. You expect lawyers to know the law, understand financial obligations and have empathy concerning custody.  Newsflash!  There is no standard.  I have read about certain judges in family law that have intervened in court when the attorney or attorneys steamroll their clients; those judges are a rare and dying breed.  The public has no idea what awaits them if divorce comes knocking on their door which is why things are the way they are.  You don’t know what you don’t know.  It’s impossible to discuss family law without talking about the people that make family law possible – the country’s representatives.  There have been only two US presidents with divorces in their past, both celebrities, Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump (no attempt to tackle family law so far).  The divorce list is quite expansive for the run of the mill politician in the senate, congress or city government.  It is surprising that family law is operating like the Wild West when so many of our supposed leaders have experienced this corrupt system, because they too are divorced.  Did they reveal the problem to the last US president, Barack Obama, who identifies with lawyers since he was one?  Lawyers are excellent politicians.  He could have done something to impact positive “change” for family law “change” was his campaign message after all, but he didn’t come near family law with a ten foot pole.  Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against lawyers only something against a system that allows lawyers to take advantage of others.

Going through a divorce destroys the fabric of family.  Divorce is devastating to society because it causes so much turmoil in the nuclear family, extended family and other relationships.

Divorce is necessary in some cases; however, filing for divorce lately has become as easy as selecting and purchasing something online.

America is so busy with vices a sort of forgetfulness sets in when it concerns the government until presidential elections of course, that’s when everyone is fired up about their “ideal” candidate and all the sudden they are a political expert. Americans also regain consciousness about the government when terrorists decide to kill American lives…  I wonder what Abraham Lincoln would say if he looked at the United States government as it is now.  It’s too bad more politicians do not think about America’s early predecessors while they are in office.

Family law is a fairly new practice.  It developed around the time Franklin D. Roosevelt was president (it is uncertain if FDR influenced current practices in anyway).  The New Deal wasn’t the only thing that happened during his presidency, Mr. FDR also had an affair.  When ideals are lowered in any government it ricochets across the country and impacts the people within it.  These various fractures happen because government is a source of leadership for a country.  It provides governing structure.  It provides infrastructure.  It provides protection against threats. It provides its constituents a certain way of life.

Government is no different than any place in society, it is a place where mistakes are made.

The concern is when those mistakes are covered up, stamped out, ignored, avoided and life continues without a reset button or a corrective action.  Status quo is no longer an option, the health of society is at stake.

There are some people that understand the health risk of divorce on society.  These people try to change things for the common good in government; however, their efforts often get squashed by the opposition, because it destroys everyone else’s system or change is limited by state (it appears Senator Jeremy Ring from Florida understands part of the problem, but can’t get a bill to address it).  That’s why no one in family law with a conscience speaks up.  By speaking up they destroy their career, their connections and their life.  Some in family law that have a conscience will either leave family law and go with another career after they’ve witnessed too much pain or they will eventually become complacent and accept how things are by limiting their contribution to the problem or try to balance things out.  Others, the formidable others, will capitalize on people’s pain without remorse.  I hope if you must be in a divorced situation with attorneys, you come across a lawyer with a conscience, because that truly is your only hope if attorneys are involved (see also: Going Pro Se in an Attorney’s World).

I have two children and I’m facing this Wild West court system alone.  If you read or get ideas from my original content please donate any amount on PayPal and send money to info@fyidivorce.com.

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