Picture this, a couple made in heaven. Two people that look as though they are made for each other. Their mutual friends call them the dynamic duo. They gaze into each other’s eyes and those moments are enough. They do absolutely EVERYTHING together. The friends they had before they met can’t seem to compete with the newfound love. All the sudden they find themselves in a love-ship and friendship that only dreams are made of. One person spills their guts about past mistakes and the other accepts them for who they are, no questions asked. Future goals align with precision and the possibility of boredom is incomprehensible.
As the relationship continues to blossom separate lives collide at a rapid pace; however, only a few mutual friendships stick in the process. One person has solid relationships and the other person more than willing to partake in those relationships and call them their own. No harm no foul, that happens when two become one. One person 100% themselves, whereas the other person molds themselves to fit the other person’s ideal mate. Not exactly honest, but incredibly self-sacrificing at least for the short-term to win the prize.
One person goes along with whatever the other person has on their agenda. People pleasing? Maybe. Madly in love – definitely. This person is made to be the passenger in more ways than one. At first glance, it’s chivalrous. On second glance, it’s controlling. This person didn’t realize how important it is to recognize the absence of conflict as a red flag after years of experience. Even couples counseling didn’t spotlight the glaring red herring lurking amid pure love.
Love that can only be manifested by starting a family of course. A family in which both people know for certain could make their image complete, because somehow the pure love that was supposed to last forever didn’t seem to be enough after a while. Something must be missing. It must be children.
The couple made in heaven, got a nice heaping dose of reality. Conflict surfaced immediately after children. The bliss came crashing down as if an earthquake hit their inner core. No longer was the controlling person able to control. No longer was the compliant person able to sustain compliance. Equilibrium was off in a big way. The pressure test is the ultimate test of true love. Is the love strong enough to conquer all as fairy tales so triumphantly preach? No. Because for true love to conquer all, agape love must exist and persist. If the pressure is too great for either party, the foundation cracks. Those cracks leave the relationship vulnerable to outside influences that have the power to transform each person in the relationship into someone else entirely. That’s what happened. That’s what’s behind a contested divorce.
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