If you find yourself in the traditional divorce situation against your will it’s extremely difficult. If you find yourself in a traditional divorce situation voluntarily, because you are the one filing for divorce; you have a lot of input on how the divorce goes and you should be responsible with your role regardless of why you are filing for divorce. There is no room for retaliation. There is no room for backstabbing, set-ups, poor words or threats at this point. All these divorce emotions paired with poor actions are ruining your chance for closure, emptying your bank account and indirectly hurting your loved ones. There has been enough hurt up until this point to last two lifetimes. Get off the treadmill, stop spending money and start healing from divorce by following these steps:
- Fire your attorney. If your divorce has lasted over 2 years, your attorney is running the meter and does not care about you or your family.
- Get your finances in order. Retail therapy is only exacerbating your stress and those consumption feelings are short lived, but the endless credit card debt lasts years and years.
- Be willing to compromise. Compromise in every place of your divorce; finances, assets, debts, custody arrangements, etc. There is a best-case scenario and it does not involve you getting everything. The best-case scenario is a fair agreement, so there is no bitterness. The more you lack compromise the longer your divorce. Do not have a “my way or the highway” attitude.
- Get therapy. If your spouse claims there are issues you are avoiding. Guess what? There are issues you are avoiding. If you are still acting the same way you did when you first filed for divorce that’s a clear sign there are issues. Those issues need to be processed and discussed in a safe environment. Therapy is that safe place. It’s good for you and if you have children they will benefit from it.
- Harness your words. Words bring life and they can bring death. It is words that probably put the first arrows in your marriage in the first place. To heal, you need to follow this communication rule “Say only what is absolutely necessary.”
There is no way you can start healing from your divorce if the above steps are ignored. If you ignore the steps, you are choosing to prolong the pain. That choice is a selfish one, because divorce impacts everyone in your immediate circle and beyond. If you have children you are purposely harming them as well. Fire your attorney, get your finances in order, compromise, get therapy and harness your words. It’s time to move on. It’s time to take the high road. It’s time to heal.