The union between two people has become as complicated as ordering a coffee at Starbucks these days. Money or ego makes people feel entitled to exceptions in relationships and people without money or power feel obligated to abide by these rules especially if the goal is to expand their wealth and keep their marriage. The latest high-profile divorce is the Bill and Melinda Gates divorce. There was a rumor on Twitter their divorce reason was a “money” issue. Newsflash, people with money for long periods of time never divorce from “money” issues. It appears their marriage “contract” had a monogamy exception according to Bill Gates & His One Weekend Per Year by Canela López (the article title has been modified by FYI Divorce for clarity). A marriage means you work out the hard-stuff and do not settle for “agree to disagree,” but come to a compromise that both people are comfortable with that keeps your marriage working to the benefit of the couple and society.
Monogamy exceptions means you always have one foot out the door! A person who needs a monogamy exception should not get married in the first place, because they do not value the sanctity of the marriage vow or what it represents. If you are a monogamy exception person and the person in your relationship wants to get married; you are already at odds with one another. Now some people who marry monogamy exception people do so, not because of love, but to extend their wealth, prestige, or power. In this case, both people are ignoring the sanctity of marriage and the union is in fact a temporary partnership from the start. Bill Gates is one of the wealthiest men in the world; therefore, Melinda Gates agreed to the monogamy exception and their marriage DID NOT last. Time reveals the truth in every situation.
In a working marriage (let’s keep it real, not all marriages work or are happy marriages behind closed doors), communication is number one. That means both spouses share their troubles, dreams, worries, fears, ambitions with their spouse first and sometimes their spouse ONLY ; and most importantly, RESOLVE CONFLICTS (see how to resolve conflict like an expert at The Gottman Institute | A research-based approach to relationships). Whenever you overshare with someone that’s not your spouse (no matter gender or sexual orientation) you become closer to them and more intimate without even getting physical; by default, shutting out your spouse and LOWERING intimacy in your marriage. Decreased intimacy can have different effects on different people. Marriage is the toughest relationship that exists on the planet. The marriage warriors are those that fight to keep the bond that marriage represents. Monogamy exceptions during marriage appear to be accommodating on the surface; however, they are actually automatic limitations baked into the relationship that decrease intimacy in the long-run. Compromises to the traditional marriage arrangement ALWAYS have consequences, some consequences can be anticipated ahead of time, but other consequences cannot.
Navigating life in the digital era is the most complicated experience humans have yet to face.
Marriage is not only a union, it is a test of endurance, a test of humility, a test of compromise, a test of heart and lastly, the greatest test ANYONE will face in life. Some people will divorce instead of passing the test, because divorce is easier than growing with another person. Some people will remain single, because they haven’t connected with “the one” or possibly fearful of being vulnerable with another. Growing with another person is the ultimate test. Staying married without growing results in an unhappy or stale marriage which is no better than divorce in some circumstances. Beware of monogamy exceptions.
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